Wow. Both poems are breathtaking. You are so good at expressing emotion. As I was reading them I could feel what you were feeling. You have an amazing gift with words. My psychic abilities sense that there are more poems in your future.
I find myself having to swallow. I am not usually a person of poetry, though I understand and have felt the desire to write my own on occasion, often in what I suspect were similar circumstances to yours.
Your poetry is excellent. Very direct, but clean in its own way, and certainly moving.
while i see how it could be taken as such, it was not my intention when writing them
Posted on 2011-07-05 at 22:00:33.
Eol Fefalas Keeper of the Kazari RDI Staff Karma: 453/28 7533 Posts
Probably not the exact right word, there, but, as others have said already, both pieces were very moving, Chess. Each evoked a bit of "misery" counterbalanced with a touch of "faith," I think... A candle in the dark kind of thing, perhaps?
Keep it up, mate... Always love to see stuff like this and have my emotions stirred by what you other Innmates come up with... well done.
First off, it's terribly brave of you (or really anyone) to post your work here for us all to see, so kudos off the bat!
The first poem seemed a bit simple to me at first especially with its repetitive nature and singular rhyme scheme. With a few more readings I did grow to like it more and came to see it fitting in very nicely as something a bard would recite (complete with lyre accompaniment) to a lady at the behest of a gentleman seeking to woo her. Probably very far off from your intent, but that was my impression.
Now, the second one was immediately more engrossing. Is the speaker arguing with God there? I think we've all been there at least once in our lives, and you captured/expressed that rather well.