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You are here: Home --> Forum Home --> Rules-based RPGs --> Other Sci Fi --> Paranoia: the Only Good Commie is a Dead Commie
Related thread: Friend Computer Needs Your Help!
Related thread: Paranoia: Commies Q&A
GM for this game: t_catt11
Players for this game: SilentOne, Eol Fefalas, Keeper of Dragons, Nomad D2, Chessicfayth, breebles
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    Messages in Paranoia: the Only Good Commie is a Dead Commie
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Keeper of Dragons
Devil's Advocate
Karma: 51/18
2209 Posts




"Of course we have a mision number, how else do you think we got this stuff from supply?  I am sure friend computer knows who we are and woud look badly on anyone treasonous to hinder our mission."  Hopefully the jack-o-bit woud come through ith the mission number again.  Maybe this time leader would be smart enough to write it down.  



Posted on 2019-03-23 at 09:45:48.

Nomad D2
RDI Fixture
Karma: 47/5
2329 Posts


We didn't crash? That is new. And nobody died? Well, just wait ...

Blowz was happy when they finally got the equipement and could continue with the mission.  He was glad when they headed off towards RND.  He was even happier when they actually arrived at RND in one piece.  There seemed to be nothing standard about surviving a steam-power friendlyness bot.  But somehow this was accomplished.  It seems the old-clone could learn some new tricks.  

All of that just brought them to a series of halls in which the lights suddenly changed color.  Blowz first instinct was to panic when they changed color and alarms seemed to go off.  Many years in firend-computer's world had taught him that alarms and people running usually meant dead clones.  Actually, no alarms and people not running usually did also.  In fact, almost every circumstance immaginable usually lead do clones needing to be refreshed.  Friend computer certainly ran a consistent world.  And what Blowz had learned from this world was that it was rarely worth ducking when an alarm sounded.  If it was a problem for you they would already be ordering the replacement close by the time you heard the alarm.  So he watched the others run and the hallways empty out with a vague sense of amusement and just kept on.  They had a mission to do!

When they reached RND there was, of course, a friendly clone and his assistant waiting to help them out.  And who demanded a mission #.  He looked at the jackobot.  Would it come up with the number on its own as befit a wise bot sent by the great computer?  Or would they again have to prod it to remind it to do its job?  Maybe friend computer was just trying to keep them on their toes?  

(If the jackobot doesn't give the mission # quickly.)

Blowz rose a bit onto his tip toes just to prove to himself that he could, in fact, stay on his toes.  He looked at the jackobot and said, "Come on.  You know the number.  Please share it with these good clones so that we can continue to serve friend computer."  



Posted on 2019-03-23 at 13:02:34.
Edited on 2019-03-23 at 13:02:55 by Nomad D2

SilentOne
RDI Poet - 1.5 Innma
Karma: 37/5
753 Posts


Slightly short but a post none the less

Artie was thinking on the way to RND and was pleased to learn that they had indeed survived the crash. He became slightly impatient when they had to wait.. yet again. He wanted to complete this mission for Friend Computer and all this waiting was impeding said mission’s success.

He wanted to speak up, however, it seemed as though Brighte reminded the clone as to why they were there and who sent them. He was slightly concerned that the Jack-O-bot would give them trouble for their mission number but for now.. he was happy to report that nothing seemed off.

 



Posted on 2019-04-09 at 22:19:48.

t_catt11
Fun is Mandatory
RDI Staff
Karma: 347/54
6187 Posts


let's see if anyone still wants to post here...

"BEE-DEE-BEE-DEE-BEEP.  I am always happy to assist the superior troubleshooters." Jackie the Jackobot helpfully provides the mission number, which Jimm-Y-EEE punches into a terminal.  A strip of paper prints out, which Misterwa-I-ZRD snatches up with glee.  "Ah, yes!  I have been expecting you!" he exclaims.  "Please, ignore the radiation alarms," he casually mentions.  "I believe that they are malfunctioning again.  There is nothing to be concerned with."

He turns and rummages through some shiny bins, dragging out an assortment of items.  "Yes, yes... some truly remarkable inventions here for your testing!" he yammers happily. 

He turns and places six items onto the table.  "What an exciting opportunity for you to help Friend Computer to field test some of these amazing devices!  Please, allow me to identify them to you.  He gestures to the items through his thick glove.

The first item is a beanie-stlye hat with an electromagnetic chin strap.  "Ah, yes.  Gyrobladed headgear, class A5A10 dot B3.  I'm sure that I don't have to tell you what THIS beauty does..."

The second item is a bulky pistol made from a greenish metal.  "This is a prototype tractor pistol.  When engaged, it will pull an item towards you with an unbreakable beam of force.  Very handy, indeed!"

The third item is a pair of OSFM (one size fits most) boots.  "These boots are magnetic, allowing the wearer to adhere to surfaces containing sufficient amounts of ferrous metals.  We feel that they could be excessively useful in intelligence work, surveillance, that sort of thing... and the ceiling cleaning applications are obvious."

The fourth is another pistol, this one quite small, but instead of a barrel, it has what looks like an antenna surrounded by rings.  "This," Misterwa-I-ZARD announces in a stage whisper, "is an ENERGY pistol.  Friend Computer is certainly impressed with your team to entrust you with such a weapon! Standard reflec armor of no color can stand up to it.  Be very careful with it!"

The fifth item appears to be a backpack with various hoses hanging out of it.  "This," the Indigo pronounces with joy, "is the very latest incarnation of the Automatic Bouncy Bubble Beverage Hydrator!  Clones no longer need to concern themselves with mundane activities such as drinking, as it detects the ideal amounts of beverage needed to keep you perfectly hydrated.  What an age of wonders we live in!"

The final item is a small electronic box with a display screen.  "This is the automatic clone finder.  If you touch it to a clone's skin to calibrate, it will flawlessly reveal to you the direction in which he can be found, as well as give you so useful indicators such as distance and speed of movement.  It is PERFECT for tracking important allies of Friend Computer."

Once the items have been offered, he smiles.  "Any questions?"  Ignoring any possible responses, he continues as if no one has spoken.  "No?  Good.  Please remember to be efficient and to fill out your paperwork thoroughly and promptly at the end of the mission, so that we can evaluate the performance of these amazing inventions and identify any possible improvements - however unlikely that may be.  Follow the exit to your left, please, which will return you to the garage.  Thank you for your service to Friend Computer!"

 

 



Posted on 2019-07-11 at 12:18:21.
Edited on 2019-07-11 at 12:22:58 by t_catt11

Nomad D2
RDI Fixture
Karma: 47/5
2329 Posts


Friend computer is slow, but persistent

Blowz listened as Jimm-y-EEE lists out the possible weapons.  It seemed like there would be one weapon for each of them and their usees were quite obvious.  The tractor type pistol, for example, could capture a suspected communist and pull them to you for arrest.  No doubt any objects around them would safely slow down before arriving at your location.  Such a safety feature was undoubtedly the sort of thing friend computer would employ.  But Blowz did have to admit that he failed to see the agricultural uses for such a pistol.  It was, after all, a TRACTOR pistol.  And weren't tractors used on farms?  But what did he know, he wasn't a farming clone?  Well, except that they all eventually ended up as fertilizer once friend computer was done with them.  He knew that much about farming,

When the Jimm-Y-EEE was done speaking he quickly said, "I'll try the energy pistol. Who knows what can be Blowz'd up with this?  Certainly there will be uses to help freind computer."  He took the pistol (assuming nothing blows up at this point) very carefully, being sure not to accidently press anything that might be a trigger.  He prepared to head back to the garage witht he others.  

Radiation?  Hmmm, intersting he should mention that.  He wondered if radiation exposer would eventually mean that he was no longer genetically the same as the clones that were supposed to be him?  If you changed the DNA did you change the person?  It seemed unlikely.  But this is what he pondered as he headed back to the garage.  That and the fact that he really didn't remember what their mission was.  Had they ever been told?  They were supposed to pick someone one up, right?  A tractor pistol might be good for that.  He wandered along thinking about identity and floating people.  



Posted on 2019-07-15 at 12:34:17.

Keeper of Dragons
Devil's Advocate
Karma: 51/18
2209 Posts




After what seemed like months but was probably only several minutes the requisitioned items were presented.  The were some boring guns, any last not should be able to destroy a commie by other means, and some weird boots.  Then there was a hat.  Of course a hat for on your head and your head houses your brain and your brain makes you smart so obviously friend computer wanted the brightest but to have the hat.  Brighte2 placed the hat on his head with pride.  He had no idea what it did but it must be super useful if friend computer gave it to him.



Posted on 2019-07-15 at 13:55:15.

breebles
Resident
Karma: 23/1
412 Posts


I'm doing my part!

"BEE-DEE-BEE-DEE-BEEP.  I am always happy to assist the superior troubleshooters." Jackie the inofficient Jackobot offers the mission number and Steam attempts to memorize it in order to prevent delays like this in the future. Friend Computer, in their great wisdom assigned this Jackobot to them, but everyone, especially Friend Computer, knows that a clone will out-class a lowly robot every single time. That is just how it is.

A strip of paper prints out and Misterwa-I-ZRD snatches it,  "Ah, yes!  I have been expecting you!" he exclaims, "Please, ignore the radiation alarms," he casually mentions.  "I believe that they are malfunctioning again. There is nothing to be concerned with."

Steam was concerned with the radiation alarms.

If they were malfunctioning a maintenance clone should have been assigned to correct it. Malfunctioning equipment is entirely unacceptable and Steam made a mental note to include this, along with the multitudes of other treasonous behaviors, in their mission report at the end of this mission. Not that he was given this task in the first place, but to become efficient, one must eradicate that which is not. And he was planning to eradicate the s*** out of all that had caused setbacks to Friend Computer's mission for them.

Returning his attention to the indigo, who was now rummaging through some shiny bins and pulling out equipment, Steam ground his teeth at their treatment and added this to his list as well.

"Yes, yes... some truly remarkable inventions here for your testing!" the indigo yammers and places six items onto the table. 

In the end the clone describes six items: a beanie-style hat with an electromagnetic chin strap of which the traitorous clone somehow has no idea what it does; a bulky green pistol that pulles items closer; a pair of magnetic boots; a small, strange-looking "energy" pistol that is unable to dent standard reflec armor of no color; an Automatic Bouncy Bubble Beverage Hydrator backpack; and an  automatic clone finder.

The clone then asks, "Any questions?" and before Team Leader or Steam can ask about the efficiency of the clone finder, or who would know what the hat does, or if the the energy pistol really is radiating radiation, he says, "No? Good. Please remember to be efficient and to fill out your paperwork thoroughly and promptly at the end of the mission, so that we can evaluate the performance of these amazing inventions and identify any possible improvements - however unlikely that may be.  Follow the exit to your left, please, which will return you to the garage. Thank you for your service to Friend Computer!"

Before allowing Team Leader to deligate, the undisciplined, greedy clones in his group grab at the equipment, Blowz taking the energy pistol and Brighte2 strapping the beanie to his head.

"Hey! You greedy lot, your leader did not assign that equiment to you!" Steam points back at the table, "Friend Computer designated Team Leader as team leader and you blatantly disregard that order?" His hand goes back to his own gun as he makes his way toward the commie clones.

"Team Leader," Steam says, not taking his eyes off the two who had disobeyed orders by not waiting for orders. His report was going to be enormous, "Who would you like to take this equipment? Should I relieve these bastards of theirs?" He looks back at Team Leader with the same scowl he used on the wretched clones, "By the way, I've been trained to use equipment similar to all of this here and will excel at using all of it for the betterment of our mission," he turns back to Bright2 and growls, "except for that hat."



Posted on 2019-07-16 at 16:55:22.

Keeper of Dragons
Devil's Advocate
Karma: 51/18
2209 Posts




"Why would we wait for team leader to assign us equipment when that would be an inefficient waste of time as none of us know what the stuff does.  Time we could spend completing friend computers mission.  Only a commie would waste time by pulling a weapon on agents of friend computer.  Hmm."  Brighte2 searched for some sort on on/off swith to activate the hat.    



Posted on 2019-07-16 at 17:01:44.

breebles
Resident
Karma: 23/1
412 Posts


Psssshhhhh

"I'll await my orders, like a clone loyal to Friend Computer and his appointed officers. And by the way, if I had drawn my weapon you'd have known it. Or maybe not. Simple lessons seem to be lost on some."

Refusing to be baited into anymore wasteful conversation, Steam awaits his orders.



Posted on 2019-07-16 at 17:14:23.

Eol Fefalas
Turning Capashanese
RDI Staff
Karma: 449/28
7362 Posts


Well... uh... yeah... whatever...

Ammpe listened closely as Misterwa-I-ZRD presented the experimental gear and, in dramatic but vague fashion, explained the function of each item. For the detail provided, though, Ammpe couldn’t for the lives of him decide which item to assign to which clone. Instead, at the end of the presentation, he stood for a moment, face contorted in confusion and absently scratching at the staticky red hair at his temple, as he studied the array of gear…

“I’ll try the energy pistol,” Blowz volunteered… it was a violation of protocol, of course, but not one that Ammpe cared overmuch about; at least the clone knew what he found personally useful.

Brighte2, also, snatched up an item which he obviously thought might be beneficial to his own skill-set. He slid the Gyrobladed Headgear (class A5A10 dot B3) onto his cranium with a look of smug satisfaction.

"Hey! You greedy lot,” Steam protested then, “your leader did not assign that equipment to you! Friend Computer designated Team Leader as team leader and you blatantly disregard that order?" Steam’s hand dipped to his weapon as he advanced on Brighte2 and Blowz. "Team Leader," Steam continued, not taking his eyes off the two who had disobeyed orders by not waiting for orders, "Who would you like to take this equipment? Should I relieve these bastards of theirs?" He looked back at Team Leader with the same scowl he used on the wretched clones, "By the way, I've been trained to use equipment similar to all of this here and will excel at using all of it for the betterment of our mission," he looked back at Bright2 and growled, "except for that hat."

Ammpe scowled faintly, his gaze ticking from clone to clone and trying to determine the possible uses for each piece of equipment as it related to their mission (and, truth be told, trying to determine what that mission might even be). After a minute, he shrugged and fixed his eyes on Steam; “Since you’ve been trained in the use of all of this, Steam, why don’t you decide who might make best use of what…”



Posted on 2019-07-17 at 09:01:05.

breebles
Resident
Karma: 23/1
412 Posts


*brain crickets*

Brighte2 fiddled with the ridiculous hat as Steam waited patiently for Team Leader to respond. And finally, “Since you’ve been trained in the use of all of this, Steam, why don’t you decide who might make best use of what.”

Steam-R-LLR took a step back and tried not to let his gapped maw gape too noticably and recovered his composure quickly, "Yes, Sir."

This made sense. He was the equipment officer after all. Team Leader simply used their keen sensibilities to suss out the most appropriate clone to deligate the duty of equipment deligation to.

He looked around at all of the equipment. He had had experience with equipment as a member of Friend Computer's army, but nothing exactly like this at all. Not that that mattered. It was his nature to know how to use equipment like this. And Friend Computer knew that.

"Team Leader, you should take the clone finder so you can point us in the direction of traitorous clones, or this clone we're guarding, in case something happens," he glances at the rest of his fumbling team, "not that we'd let that happen." Steam examines the rest of the items. Then his companions. Then the items again. And then these clones again.

"Officer Artie," he looks up at the large clone, "you look like you can handle this one," he points to the green pistol, "Tractor gun for you."

Steam then turns to Slipp, their ever-twitching comrade, "Automatic Bouncy Bubble Beverage Hydrator backpack for Officer Slipp, keep that beanie Officer Brighte2, at least it's technically regulation, and that leaves the energy pistol for Blowz, and these boys for me."

He grabs the OSFM boots and begins to put them on to test whether he can move in them normally. As he practices, he looks around the lot of them as they take up the equipment he assigned each with some small bit of pride, as he is confident in his perfect decisions.



Posted on 2019-07-17 at 13:14:43.

t_catt11
Fun is Mandatory
RDI Staff
Karma: 347/54
6187 Posts


listen to your skin glow...

After efficiently dividing the exsperimental equipment, the team gathers the necessary paperwork and takes their leave.

Brighte is the first to vomit - rather profusely, as a matter of fact.  Steam glances back to Ammpe, to see if Team Leader might have any insight... and wonders exactly when Team Leader developed those blisters on his face.  With a start, the military clone notices the same blisters on his arms. 

And all over the other team members.

Blowz runs his fingers through his hair nervously, and a huge hunk of it comes out in his hands.  Brighte backs away, eyes wide.

Mercifully, the radiation sickness his hard and fast, and the entire team is dead within the span of a few minutes.  It does, however, take nearly an hour to decontaminate the area, the equipment, and Jackie the Jackobot properly.  Hopefully, Friend computer will not hold this inefficency against everyone's replacement clones. 

The entirely new team shows up together, assumes the equipment of their earlier-sequenced six pack mates, and Jackie leads the team out to the Friendliness Hoverbot. 

"BEE-DEE-BEE-DEE-BEEP.  Welcome, new superior human troubleshooters," Jackie speaks.  "I sincerely hope that none of you meet a similar fate as your old team, as radiation poisoning is apparently rather unpleasant.  Our next stop is to return to the cafeteria where you orignially assembled.  Are you up to the task, oh fleshy overlords?"

On the bright side, the replacement clone bodies are at full health!



Posted on 2019-07-19 at 16:05:36.
Edited on 2019-07-19 at 16:06:39 by t_catt11

Nomad D2
RDI Fixture
Karma: 47/5
2329 Posts


I guess he was the same person that had been a person that now was a person again

Blowz had been wandering along wondering about identity.  Then he'd been running his hand through his hair.  Then he'd been holding his hair.  In his hands, to be clear, not on his head.  He'd heard jokes about hairy palms, but he didn't think this is what they meant.  Oh well, he thought,

I guess this is why the computer made clones . . . 

Blowz woke up with a start.  He'd been walking.  Identity.  Hair.  Bad jokes.  Clones.  

Oh, yeah, clones.  He was one.  Blowz 2.0   Or some number anyway.  It was interesting to wonder how much the old Blowz had been changed by the radiation.  Was he different in some way from the new Blowz?  Aside from the hair, of course.  He ran his hand through his hair just to check.  And put his wonderful red hat back on his head.  Just to keep the hair there.  That was where it belonged.  On his head.  

And he belonged on a quest to help the computer.  

Jackie the jcak-o-bot spoke up.  He tended to do that when there were problems.  Maybe Jackie was a communist?  Wait, could a robot be a communist?  Certainly not and serve friend computer.  He wondered about that.  It was serving the computer, right?  Suspicions aroused he looked closely at the bot for signs of communism.  Not finding any he adjusted the glorious red hat on his head.  

"Zu do Kafateeria?  On vit da Mission!"



Posted on 2019-07-19 at 19:14:34.

Keeper of Dragons
Devil's Advocate
Karma: 51/18
2209 Posts




Bright2 vomited until his insides traded places with his outsides.  Obviously his insides were Commies and had launched a rebellion.  But, like all Commie rebellions it was short lived or actually Bright2 was short lived.  

After all the radiation was removed, Bright3 opened his eyes and donned his fancy hat.  With his newly acquired knowledge of radiation poisoning he was even smarter than Bright2.  That is just how clones worked, each new one was smarter.  Since Bright2 was the smartest clone before, Bright3 was obviously the smartest clone now.  If only he was smart enough to figure out what the hat did he would really be something.  During the walk to the cafeteria he would coninue his search for a power button on the hat.  

 

 



Posted on 2019-07-19 at 20:59:09.

breebles
Resident
Karma: 23/1
412 Posts


To the cafeteria!

One clone down, five to go.

That he should lose one to a team such as this was unconscionable. Years of military excellence, years of hard-nosed, hard-fought, victory against commies and entire mutant cells, all to be reduced to a pile of seeping pus. Not that he could remember the putrid mess his former clone had been reduced to, but he remembered the sores and squeals of his teammates before they had all succumbed to the bitter end of aggressive radiation poisoning.

It was almost funny his first went that way, it was one of his favorite ways to watch a traitor die.

As he again put on the magnetic boots to see whether he could walk around normally with them, he looked down at his once seeping arm, now fully healed and as strong as ever. He had come close to doing his own self in because of that Friend Computer damned wound. Another death for the sake of the betterment of this undeserving team.

Once re-equipped, Steam and the other troubleshooters follow the Jack-o-bot back to the Friendliness Hoverbot.

"BEE-DEE-BEE-DEE-BEEP. Welcome, new superior human troubleshooters," Jackie says in its curious tone,  "I sincerely hope that none of you meet a similar fate as your old team, as radiation poisoning is apparently rather unpleasant.” Pretty pleasant from the outside, the soldier muses, “Our next stop is to return to the cafeteria where you originally assembled. Are you up to the task, oh fleshy overlords?"

Steam awaits Team leaders confirmation ((OOC: if it doesn’t come, he’ll just go on)) before turning to Team Leader himself, hands to his sides and his spine as straight and narrow as his loyalty to Friend Computer, “Team Leader, permission to remain the pilot of this efficient hoverbot. I believe I have finally mastered the controls and anticipate no further loss of clones,” unless one of the dirty lot finally reveals their dirty commie secrets.

((OOC: if affirmative, Steam will very proudly take his pilot mantle and perfectly drive this thing back. If negative, Steam will oblige and think about dirty commies while bracing himself in whatever he believes is the most secure place--maybe even weaseling himself into a place someone else already occupies, unless it’s Team Leader or Jackie))



Posted on 2019-07-26 at 13:09:28.

   
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