a friend, whom I knew role-played, but I had never had in one of my games, approached me one day. His DM only lived, like, two blocks away from me ..
"Okay, so you want to bring a character into my game, right?"
"So describe the character to me, briefly."
"Well, he's six-six, two hundred fifty pounds, wears full mithral-plate armor, is ambidextrous and has two-weapon fighting ..."
"what weapon or weapons does he use?"
"Oh ... just two plus-five vorpal swords of demon-slaying his father gave to him."
"Can you describe how his last battle went?"
"It didn't last long enough. I was fighting Thor, and ..."
"Thor? The Norse god Thor?"
"Yeah, and, well, I killed him. It only took me 5 rounds."
"Okayyyy. I'm sorry, but I don't think your character would fit very well in any of my games."
"But [my buddy-DM] has no problem with the character! In fact, he has the character in a game now."
"So tell me why you want the character in one of my games if someone is letting you play him in one already."
He didn't come back. And neither one of us has seen him since. But his memory is still a source of amusement ...
What about the guy who comes in with (metal) Armor of Protection from Metal Weapons and a Spear of God-Given Lightning +7? Then the guy quits because he ends up facing a Storm Giant with a (wooden) Maul of the Titans and takes all but 5 of his hit points in the first blow ...
I guess a rock would have been just as effective ...
Posted on 2008-01-20 at 15:46:48.
Edited on 2008-01-20 at 15:49:27 by Utan the Orange
So, I was in a Rifts capaign many many years ago and this one little SOB thought he was so flipping cute... His favorite thing to do?
"I walk up to the largest of the crazies and start pushing the buttons of his chest."
And the GM, having had quite enough of it, just laughs.
"After accidentally punching in a secret code sequence, Fractal has managed to summon an army! Seventeen samurai ninja cyborg mages will converge upon from the north, south, east, and west. In the meantime, you hear the familiar rumblings of a cosmic freight train, but it's too late. Roll for saves, but kiss your asses goodbye."
Party wipe. Lovely.
Kaz: "So I made it to the top of the wall?"
Deed: "Kaz, don't you dare..."
Kaz: "Are you kidding me? I've rolled the same save like twenty times in a row. I jump."
GM: "It's seventy feet down onto jagged rocks, are you certain that you want to do this?"
Kaz: "What's the worst that could happen?" (rolls)
I find that, over time, I've grown to HATE Chaotic Neutral. At least with Chaotic Evil you're ready for them to screw over the party. With Chaotic Neutral you can only count on them to screw over the party at the worst possible time.
"The spells you're casting at the charging enemies aren't working...in fact, the enemies are getting larger every time you cast an attack spell."
"Screw it, I hide in the woods."
"But your party is charging in, and you're their only spellcaster! They don't even have a cleric!"
"I don't care, I'm playing my character, he's Chaotic ME"
I like the Chaotic Neutral alignment. I am especially fond of crazy! I remember making a character I called a gnoblin. he was a goblin/gnome who literally hated himself. He wasn't really sadomasochistic or anything, however he did tend to put himself in fights that seemed to have no purpose other than to be punished. He was a cleric who used his armor and shield as weapons, and his deity was a god of pain whose name I have long since forgotten.
Tlee: I reach up and catch the tanglefoot bag the dude throws at me ... (rolls) Yeah! I got it!
DM: Okay, but it still breaks open on impact and begins to run down your arm to your shoulder, your chest, getting sticker al the time ...
Tlee: [paraphrased]Fudge! And I can't wear armor! I bring down my gooey hand to wipe it off ...
DM: ... and your hand becomes stuck tight to your chest ...
Tlee: Okay, so I reach into my belt pouch with my free hand and grab a vial of acid, uncork it with my mouth ...
DM: ... the goop is still spreading, to your waist, your knees ...
Tlee: ... okay, okay. I pour the acid over my head to wash this [paraphrased]stuff off my body.
DM: You WHAT?!?
Tlee: I ... SAID ... I pour it over my head to --
DM: Okay. You said it twice. Here's what happens ...
Posted on 2008-02-08 at 06:25:56.
Edited on 2008-02-08 at 06:28:41 by Utan the Orange
Now that was a funny scene! >>cough<< Idiot! >>cough<<
Posted on 2008-02-08 at 06:45:11.
Vanadia Den Mother RDI Staff Karma: 111/12 1188 Posts
I think the funniest part is the last line:
"DM: Okay. You said it twice. Here's what happens "
Makes it clear that the player is in the habit of doing dumb things
Not sure if they are cliches, but I see them too often:
Chaotic Neutral = crazy (excuse for gonzo gaming)
A mage who's also a great fighter (wait a minute, don't both career choices take a heck of a lot of training? When does he sleep?)
Excessive number of locked and trapped doors - how do the guards and wandering monsters (don't get me started on those)move around without setting off these traps?
Posted on 2008-02-08 at 12:28:29.
Edited on 2008-02-08 at 12:35:03 by Vanadia
Hmm, that's a good point. I suppose it would be a bit much to hope that a colony of goblins were living in a 10'x10' room.
The gaming cliche that's always amused me had been the elf and dwarf duo. i can't tell you how many times I have seen an arrogant, flighty elf and brooding dwarf developing a brusque friendship on the lines of Legolas and Gimli.
And on that note, why do all dwarves have to talk in a bad Scottish accent?
I hate Cliches with the force of a thousand suns. Worst Cliches are everywhere, especially in fantasy.
I hate in when you get thrown into a dungeon and have to fight giant rats though. Thats a crime in fantsay. Giant rats are so over used as Fantasy enemies, that I cry when a DM uses them...I hate them...so much...
I seldom use rats for just that reason. I replace them with giant shrews. They move faster, have a poisonous bite, and a have shorter tails. Harder to latch on to, and when yoy do, watch out for the teeth!
I'm also fond of stirges and bats (large and small).
One of my least favorite cliches is the "NO! Wait!" change-up after the DM has described dire consequences as a result of an action (stupid or not):
"No, Wait. I MEANT to say I DIDN'T open the door without listening!"
"No. Wait. How about if I jump over that secion of floor after I check for traps?"
"Noooo, wait. He can't really do that. He doesn't have that skill. Instead, he'll ... "